Special Edition - Hijrah

Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle - Plato
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Me: Lepas ni nak buat ....bla....bla..

Adik: Hang ni banyak plan, tapi last-last tak buat jugak.

Me: *terkesima*

*****

Bismilah. First and for most. Salam Maal Hijrah 1435 H. As usual, and follow the mainstream of people thoughts, i'm preparing a list of missions, wishlists and also targets to be achieved on new year. And this was the most unforgettable target for every new year: "being better than last year". The mission that most keep repeating, but absolutely the hardest target to be achieved. 

Change to a new phase, is not talking about to be better for a day, a week even a month. It's about to be istiqamah, which is keep maintain on what we have changed and this is the hardest part. To changed ourselves to better ummah. I simply can said that i can make a step of changes, but to keep hold on it, that was really take a time. Since it was not our actual habit. 

So, what is plan B? List down on what we have wished, make a checklist, mark on achieved list. Give some "award" or appreciation on what we have did. The most important step, supplicate often and tawakal to Allah. Always seek His guidance and forgiveness, and pray to Him to make our heart istiqamah on what good changes that we have did. A change is still a change, eventhough it is a small change. Don't rush for changes, but take a time for every single change. Make it as routine, to make it "comfortable" with our mind and soul. Besides, make it clear that we are changing because of Allah, not for the others. 

*****

About the dialogue. It's really blow me down. So, here another missions, to be 'efficient' on what i have planned. Huk3. Thanks adik. May Allah bless on what we have did, and lets start with our new plan. :)

Oh Allah, if you see me getting farther away from You, 

return me to You in a beautiful way!

Terengganu Travel

Bismillah.

Alhamdulillah. Akhirnya terjejak jua kaki ke tanah singgahan si penyu alam belantara. Tak pernah terfikir bahawa begini langkahnya kaki menjejak. Tapi syukur tidak berputus. Atas pengalaman yang berharga, dan boleh juga dikira lain dari yang lainnya.

Bermula dari idea si sepupu yang luar dari kotak, berkalut kemas barang dan akhirnya mengikut dia ke UMT. Uhuk3. Cara aku berkemas baju segala tak ubah macam lipas putus kaki sebelah. Oh, ini memang gila. Buat macam dari penang ke terengganu tu macam dari penang ke rumah tokwan. Budget dekat.

Mata terpana buat pertama kalinya melihat laut sebegitu biru bila tiba di Terengganu. Lidah pula laju dengan subhanaAllah. Biru. Jauh beza dengan pulau pinang yang sememangnya hijau-hijau biru. Lain. Sempat juga aku berpusing-pusing sekitar UMT dan UNISZA yang sememangnya saling dekat. UMT walaupun kecil, tapi bagi aku agak cantik, di tambah dengan bayu angin laut yang berdekatan membuatkan suasana di sana agak nyaman.

Tempat lain yang sempat kaki singgah seperti Masjid Kristal, Muzium Terengganu, Pasar Payang, MBKT. Suka suasana di sekitar muzium dan juga masjid yang cantik dan aman. Memang Cik Dan benar-benar memainkan peranannya. Semerata alam aku ambil momen fotograf yang bersesuaian untuk dijadikan kenangan.

Sekitar Masjid Kristal.

Cousin and me

Masjid Kristal. Awan tu agak spoil sikit. -.-'

Dalam muzium. 

Terengganu sememangnya cantik, terutama sekali dari segi landskap lamannya. Kebayakan tempat ada landskap masing-masing, dan terselit juga sedikit ciri-ciri melayu yang unik. Bangunan-bangunan, tiang-tiang di jalanraya tidak tekecuali dari mempunyai bentuk dan ciri yang ala-ala ukiran kayu. Walaupun agak primitif, tapi bagi aku cukup cantik dan menunujukkan bahawa hidup melayu itu berseni. (Err, kenapa aku cerita macam buat dokumentari?) -.-"

Menghabiskan detik terakhir di terengganu dengan menyambut hari lahir housemate sepupu yang ke-20 di tepi pantai. Tika itu baru aku sedar, aku berkenalan dengan dengan "adik-adik". Tapi sikap selamba sporting membolehkan selesa itu dicapai. Kek coklat moist diiringi sotong goreng tepung dan keropok lekor Teluk Ketapang. Osem bersama angin bayu laut. 

Them.

Secara konklusinya, kagum dengan ciptaan Allah swt. Dunia Allah ni terlalu luas. Aku baru melangkah, tapi ciptaanNya sudah cukup membuatkan aku terkesima. Belum aku berlari keliling dunia. Allah Maha Besar. Mission accomplished. Apresiasi buat sepupu yang sedang sibuk kini dengan test yang bakal tiba, dan housemate dia yang sentiasa ceria. Moga Allah merahmati kalian. :)

Langit Biru

random #6

air mata lagi laju ke depan dari kata-kata.
aku tanpa sepatah kata-kata
mungkin ada sudahnya.
berehatlah duhai hati
kerna rasa sedih itu memenatkan jiwa.

i just think that my feeling being tortured, day by day, week by week.
and i really hope it's not month by month, even year by year.
since pretending to be ok is not ok.
hurt much.

keep silent, i just worry i'm using wrong word again.

Konvokesyen

Mungkin sudah lama berlalu. Namun rasa itu belum hilang. Kegembiraan, keterujaan. Masa terlalu pantas merentasi ke hadapan. Tapi aku belum puas untuk semuanya.

Alhamdulillah, gembira,

#1 Melihat keluarga datang untuk konvo. Melihat mak dengan abah tersenyum. Ya Allah, terima kasih atas peluang. 

#2 Fresh flowers from my lovely sisters. Roses. Terima kasih eshah, timah, tijah <3

#3 Matriculation members and friends. And for kemai, fatihah, thanks for the present. :)

#4 Ucapan tahniah dan doa. Terima kasih, aku memang perlukan doa untuk setiap langkah. 

Cuma, 

#1 Tak sempat bergambar dengan semua coursemate. Masing-masing sibuk, dengan ramai orang. 

#2 Photoshoot sekitar USM. Memang tak akan sempat. Habis pun petang.  

Secara seriusnya, ingin aku kongsi gembira dengan semua. Terima kasih yang turut gembira, sebab itu membuatkan aku bahagia melihat orang sekeliling turut gembira. Apatah lagi dengan doanya. Hanya Allah mampu membalas. 

PreConvo, Padang USM

21 September 2013. 

Akhirnya Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sains Gunaan (Kimia Analisis) selesai. Mohon doanya untuk di kemudian langkah. :)

Spread the love, share the happiness.   

May Allah bless everything.   

p/s; Just a note. Please stay away from me. I want to move on. 

A feeling for a few days more

Just a few days for a big day. Most of them are really excited, trying their jubah, snaps some pictures for "pre" but not for me at all. It just like a feeling of terrified (err, quite over perhaps) but it is true. I just cant think rationally, worry for something unwanted happen, even though actually there is nothing to be worry.

The feeling of excited just disappeared day by day and the unconscious mind start to think randomly about a possibility of bad things will happen. Huh. It just very disturbing me, make me feel little bit uncomfortable.

I love when some friends start wishing congratulations, but I also hope their prayer for my big day to be smooth as possible. I love to share my happiness with others, share how I do feel, and snap a photograph of my best moments with them. It also lovely and supportive if they give me some support for the future.

It quite disappointed when most of friend (especially friends that I think that I VERY close with him/her) asking me, "what is your plan next?" , "are you going to find jobs" or even "what you want to do next?", but only few of them will said " I hope you are going to a better future" or just a simple thing like " I will always pray for your best". It is ok, since may be I also seldom in saying like that for my friend? huhu. Never mind.

I didn't need a bouquet of flowers, even any special present for my big day, just a prayer of hope that everything will going fine and a path to the future will going easy. From you-know-who-you-are, especially.

Too emotional I though. But for my friends. Thank you so much for all the wishes, especially for those who feel happy for me. :D

Now, striving for future, may Allah bless. :)

Random #5

Pernah terfikir macamana perasaan bila habis belajar?

FUHH. Megeluh besar camtu. Macam dah tamat misery life. Seronok tak payah cakap la. Tak payah buka buku, sentuh pun tak nak kalau boleh. Kalau boleh jeling dari jauh buku tu. Tiap-tiap hari nga alif nga alif, tengok tv non-stop, tv addiction yang terlampau. Kalau yang kes suka online, tiap-tiap jam nak mengadap laptop. Sampai tak boleh berpisah, laptop tu pun sampai tak larat tengok muka. 

You know what? All of those things are only temporary. Seriously, start masuk bulan ketiga keempat, perasaan jadi gelisah tak tentu hala. Tidur tak boleh lena. Bila bangun pagi tak dak semangat. Duduk sorang kejap-kejap rasa down. Asyik rasa bosan. Duit banyak keluar, masuk tak jugak. 

Sebab alam baru. Dunia berdiri atas kaki sendiri. Dunia yang seratus peratus atas kemampuan dan tanggungjawab. Kebanyakkannya peluang kerja makin sukar dan terlalu banyak persaingan. Bukan senang dapat kerja lepas habis belajar. Bila nak kerja part-time, yang tak selaras dengan level, jadi down semacam. Semua member start pergi interview merata ceruk alam, kita masih tempat yang sama. Pernah terfikir macamana nak hadap kalau kawan lain tanya "ko kerja apa sekarang?", so kita jawab "part time?". Aku pernah tanya kawan seorang ni, dan dari jawapan dia actually aku tau dia ada rasa down sikit sebab kerja part time. Aku tak pernah fikir side ni sampai aku tengok kawan-kawan aku sendiri. 

Dari apa yang aku tengok, memang semua risau selagi tak dapat kerja. Ada yang sampai kena motivate diri dia tiap-tiap hari. Duduk kat rumah lama-lama sampai hilang keyakinan. Asyik tengok phone kot ada call dari mana-mana company. Lagi-lagi, bila tengok makin hari makin ramai kawan yang dapat kerja, kita yang tak dapat-dapat lagi, kenapa? Tak payah kata tengok kawan dapat kerja, dengar kawan dapat interview pun rasa dah risau semacam. Rasa satu perasaan down yang memang tak boleh digambarkan. Memang, itu rezeki dia, Allah yang beri rezeki. Tapi tak dinafikan perasaan sedih tu tetap ada. 

Even aku sendiri nak sambung belajar pun belum ada confident sepenuhnya. Apatah lagi yang nak kerja? Bila tengok kawan sendiri rasa takut pun ada. So pada sesiapa yang fikir kata habis belajar tu suatu yang menyeronokkan, aku sarankan pikiaq dua tiga kali. Get ready dengan apa-apa plan. At least kita ada confident untuk masa depan. 

Habis belajar bukan maksudnya tak payah belajar. Sampai bila-bila pun kita kena belajar. Kan? InsyaAllah, positive selalu. Yakin. :)

" Work hard in silent, let success make the noise"  

The Next Step

27 Ogos 2013

Mengenangkan subuh yang paling hiba. Apatah lagi telinga sentiasa terngiang tangisan mak dengan begitu kuat, aku rasa terkilan. Dan setiap kali bertemu Allah air mata aku mudah mengalir. Dalam doa berseli air mata. Allah, pertama kali aku lihat betapa mak hilang harapan. Bertambah kecewa aku tak mampu nak mengubah apa-apa. Sangat kecewa. Sangat.

Kerna lidah aku terlalu kelu untuk bercerita, aku cuma berharap kau tanya.

" Semua ok? ... "

" Ada apa-apa yang jadi? ..."

" Kenapa ni? .. "

Tapi semuanya ditutup dengan satu diam. Terima kasih. Mungkin aku yang bakal merosakkan kegembiraan. Yes, you keep in silence. And I'll think that you never care. 

Frustration on the frustration. And the stories are hidden in the tears. 

Thank you again, my dear friend. You just showed me the next step. I'll keep in silence.

Ceritera Seminggu

Hampir seminggu aku hilang dari alam maya, disebabkan cik boben (sila baca "broadband") mula meragam. Disebabkan itu jugak, habis duit aku terpaksa tukar plan baru. Baru ingat nak berjimat. Haish, Dan aku rasa agak kaget bila online balik. Tak tahu nak mula dari mana. Awkward. Tapi aku lebih selesa dengan plan yang baru ni, sebab boleh wifi dengan handphone. B)

Minggu lepas. 

Sempat juga kiranya aku menghadiri kenduri kawan sekelas. Walaupun viva tinggal lagi sehari dua. Sengaja, bukan senang nak berkumpul semua sekali. Alang-alang, sambil menyelam minum air. 

Pau's wedding, 26 June 2013

Viva and submission of thesis done. Lega, walaupun sebenarnya aku tak la boleh jawab sangat. Tanya soalan sampai student PhD pun tak sure, macamna student degree macam aku nak jawab? *alasan*

Aku rasa soalan dia memang macam menikam jantung. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya, aku rasa viva ni agak membuka skop sempit aku. Supaya lepas ni boleh excpect apa soalan yang mungkin dia boleh tanya. Soalan yang simple pun belum tentu kita boleh jawab. 

Final submission of thesis, with blue cover.

Sebelum balik rumah, bersalam-salam aku dengan semua coursemate  buat kali terakhir. Dan drama air mata mula wujud di sesak-sesak bersalam. Sempat juga kira mohon maaf dan halal segala hutang piutang. Mengambil gambar bersama-sama buat kali terakhir sebagai kenang-kenangan. And then, here, the scripts goes to be same;

"minta maaf segala salah dan silap.."
"minta halal segala hutang kalau ada.."
"jumpa nanti time konvo.."
"kawen jangan lupa jemput.."

and the last part make me feel like, yoyoo. Maybe I'm the last person inviting all of them to kenduri? Mohon jangan. Sobss.

Selesai semua, aku menganggur kat rumah. Dah macam tak ada hala tuju. So, I volunteer to help my younger sister for her sale in Hari Kagum (as known as hari kantin, macam sekolah lain). Dia jual macam-macam, bawah persatuan dia, tapi aku just tolong dia bahagian donut comel. Haha. Sama macam donut yang lain, cuma yang ni mini size. Plus, ada chocolate melt atas donut. Sekali masuk mulut, ngap, habis. Aku rasa kecik lagi sedap dimakan. 

Mini donut, 1st trial.

Alhamdulillah, habis dijual juga adik aku kata. So, instead of nga alif nga alif kat rumah, I intend to read back The  Wedding Breaker. Novel melayu sebenarnya. Tapi novel ni memang best. Siap ada tips before and after kahwin. Rasa macam nak highlight pun ada novel ni. Sangat best, and recomended for those yang tak minat novel (macam aku) sebab anda dengan sendirinya will get attracted dengan novel tu.

The Wedding Breaker by Evelyn Rose. Penulis ni anonymous, so memang takkan kenal dia.
Now she is doing PhD di England. Superb!

Ohh yup, actually aku baca ni untuk 2nd round. 1st time masa LI tahun lepas. Masa 1st time tu aku pinjam dari kawan. So at last aku decide beli novel ni, sebab aku rasa agak berbaloi untuk simpan and diulang baca.

Last part. Selamat menyambut ramadhan Al-mubarak, dengan 3 fasa, fasa kerahmatan, fasa keampunan dan fasa pembebasan dari api neraka. InsyaAllah, dengan izinNya, moga kita dapat memperolehi keberkatan dan keampunan dariNya. Ameen  :)

Langit Biru ^^

Random #4

As my final exam was already finished, may be I can conclude that my bachelor study also was getting to the end.  Just for the final part, which make some messy in my mind. The presentation of my final year project, or as known as viva (and until now I don't know why people keep calling like that, and what it's actually  stand for. -_-") will be held on 1st July. Then only I can call it finish.

Mak already asking "what is your next plan?" Yes, I'm very interested in continue my study, but I need to settle up some of important things, including my contract with jpa and registration of master. In consideration,   I'm still thinking which university should I choose. Dilemma mood.  -_-

Ya, it is quite challenging when you see your friends are start busying with job application, registering some of job vacancy, get call from other company for job interview and you are the only one "tergedek-gedek" need to make a proposal, for master registration (since I was planned to take master in "research" mode). I don't know, I just get interested in doing research, and this is why I am choosing this path.

When I finished my study, the first thing that came out from my heart is an awkward feel. Like changing to a new phase. I need to sort up everything, so that I can see which one I need to do first, finish first. So make some plans helps me from wasting my time from keep thinking and being complicated. Other important things, you will realised that time goes faster, every second was very precious, and you need get through in your life by your own. Not everything are good when you're finished your study, (unless you doesn't need to study anymore) but it is actually the first step in surviving in your life.

Sometimes we need to get out from the comfort zone, and challenge ourselves, then only we can achieve success. 

And I just thinking, now is the time :)
May Allah bless.

Done
Langit Biru.

Why photography?

“A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but a photograph always remains the same. How nice to look at a photograph of mother or father taken many years ago. You see them as you remember them. But as people live on, they change completely. That is why I think a photograph can be kind.”

( Albert Einstein )