Random #19

Agak kekok untuk kembali menulis, setelah begitu lama tidak menulis. Apatah lagi hari-hari yang semakin sibuk dengan dunia harian, kerja, membuatkan makin kurang masa untuk membaca, dan aku seolah-olah sudah mula kehilangan perkataan dan huruf satu demi persatu. Perasaan makin sukar diungkap, kerana aku jarang meluah sejak kebelakangan ini, dan aku merasakan semuanya makin tersimpan jauh di dalam benak.

Aku mula berhenti berkarang panjang, sejak aku mula berkerja. Malah, untuk tahun ini sahaja tiada sebarang post di ig post, facebook. Ada dalam beberapa tweet di twitter yang boleh dibilang dengan jari. Aku mula menghadkan apa yang patut dikongsi di media sosial. Aku terasa media sosial seperti dunia palsu, kerana semuanya hampir menunjukkan kesempurnaan, dan membuatkan aku sentiasa memandang diri aku serba tidak cukup walaupun sebenarnya aku di kedudukan yang terbaik yang Allah beri.

Tidak pasti sama ada negatif yang datang dari diri sendiri, atau sebenarnya manusia di sekeliling semakin riak dan bangga dengan kehidupan sementara yang Tuhan beri pinjam, tapi sangat terasa kehidupan sedang bergerak ke arah yang kurang produktif dan positif, setiap kali terbanding kehidupan dengan yang lain. Kadang-kadang ternangis sendiri, sebab terasa seorang diri berjuang lawan rasa kecewa dengan diri sendiri, seorang diri memaksa diri menanam rasa baik sangka dan positif, seorang diri berdoa mengadu kepada Tuhan kenapa masih tidak terlihat hikmah-hikmah yang Dia beri.

Tuhanku, ampuni aku. Penuhi diri aku dengan seribu kesyukuran.

p.s: nak tulis banyak-banyak lepas ni. maybe kena buat reminder, so that selalu bukak blog. 

A Blank Start Up

Today is really relaxing and blissful, with nice weather and the breezy air around.

Last Friday, my officemate visited me at home. She was on leave on that day and coincidentally, I was doing my office tasks from home. She has brought to me some food too, and we had our lunch together. We were also talking randomly and have some discussion about life, job and study while enjoying our food. There a few opinions that she has pointed out, and her points had my interest to ponder again and again. As soon as she left by, I kept on thinking that and I do feel as she feels.

One of her says is she felt that her mind seems like not growing eventhough she is working in education area. And I think she was right.

The time passed so quickly, however I don't feel like my mind is growing up either mentally or spiritually as I'm working here. I am still thinking in the same way as before since I graduated on last year, and there is nothing much different between previous time and now. I start to feel like my mind is getting slower just like stunted, either in pointing out opinions, getting the idea of anything or in expressing my feelings. Even when I wanted to start writing here again, I found it is hard on myself and I took a longer time for getting the idea, choosing suitable words and rephrasing them in proper manners (yes, eventhough I am an editor which I used to deal with words, sentences and paragraphs, text, everyday).

It quite frustrating to be honest when I realized I had gone through difficult and more challenge life in prior, but now I didn't get any further achievement, something to be proud of. I know I can go further than I achieved, but now I stuck here, in the middle of this hectic life just because I need a job and money to survive.

Being an editor was not really help myself in growing up my mind in other perspective, and my brain is not getting more than being passive and unproductive. Besides that, I started to feel how useless I am because I'm still staying in the same comfort zone after went through a challenging life, and it is really something unsatisfied from deep down inside.

It's almost a year (since being as Editor) and I do feel so much differences between  how I spent my 1-year during MSc. with in working life. I can said that I did fill and spent my time much better way during MSc. and I really lived my life to fullest. I knew my target and my aim (which to pass my MSc.), I love in seeking knowledge, and that are the reasons why I really appreciated my precious moments and not simply spend it freely on useless things . But now I lost my enthusiasm in life and start thinking to further my study back (my mom will scold me for this, kohkoh).

I am thinking should I get married (lol) or further my study? Because it seems like I don't learn anything since being an employee, and apparently I will get bored with my life if I continuously staying like this.

My friend used to say, be grateful because there are other people who are still fighting to land a job, and I realized I am quite lucky enough to get a job before convocation, eventhough it's not a secure position which I can simply lost my job within an eye-blink. However, there is still a moment which I feel very empty and I do really want to look out for another things that I can achieved.

I really wished for a miracle for this year 2018. May there is something appeared which leads me out from this miserable feeling and confusion, and hopefully everything will happened by God will, in order to keep us closer to Him. Amen.

Kelip-kelip

Aku pernah secara spontan minta dia bercerita apa-apa tentang rezeki sebelum tidur, supaya aku bersangka baik dengan rezeki, sebab aku hampir hilang harapan. Kemudian dia menceritakan begini,

"Aku tak sure nak bagi ayat macam mana sebenarnya pasai rezeki. Tapi aku teringat cerita ustaz class philosophy aku. Dia cakap kan, seluruh dunia ni sebenarnya mcm tgh berkelip2 centu. sebenarnya kalau kita tengah bergerak dari satu titik A ke titik B, bukan badan kita yg bergerak. Bukan cell2 kita yang bergerak. Bukan setiap atom kita yang bergerak dari point A ke point B. Tapi sebenarnya kita berkelip. Kalau istilah wayang atau graphic, kita panggil framerate. Kita berkelip dalam framerate yang sangat tinggi. Maksudnya, dari titik A ke titik B, segala atom2 kita sebenarnya hilang dari titk A, kemudian diwujudkan semula di titik B. Contoh laa tapak tangan kita skrg terbuka, pastu kita genggam. Dari detik tapak tangan kita terbuka, hingga jadi genggam sepenuhnya tu, dah beribu, mungkin berjuta kali dah atom2 kita dan seluruh dunia ni 'berkelip'. Hilang wujud, hilang wujud, hilang wujud. Dalam masa satu saat jaa, mungkin kita dah berjuta kali 'hilang'. 

Ustaz aku cakap, ni tuhan punya kuasa, dia buat kita hilang dan wujud berjuta kali, dalam masa satu saat. Masa tu, aku yang sangat2 faham konsep framerate dalam graphics computer terasa keciknyaa kita. Mula2 aku terbayang seluruh anggota badan aku 'berkelip2'. Pastu masa tu aku start notice setiap aku punya pernafasan, degup jantung, bunyi2 yang telinga aku detect, cahaya yang masuk ke mata. Semua benda tu tuhan buat 'berkelip2'. Belum kira seluruh bumi, angkasa dan cakerawala. Pastu aku rasa kagum, benda yg ustaz tu ckp, boleh rangsang minda aku smpai mcm tu. aku taktau laa kot org lain tak rasa mcm aku, aku sorg jaa mcm tu. Pastukan, bila hang tanya tentang rezeki tadi, aku teringat cerita ni, dan aku terpikiaq, dalam satu saat tu tuhan dah bagi berjuta, beratus juta rezeki, nikmat kat kita. Bayangkan dalam berjuta kali berkelip tu, kita hilang wujud, hilang wujud, hilang wujud, kemudian tiba2 tuhan tarik rezeki kita, hilang tak wujud dah."

Teori tu tak pasti, tapi aku rasa lega. Hari ini aku sangka aku nampak kelipan rezeki, kelipan yang jelas, tapi bila dah nampak kelipan, tiba-tiba kelipan tu hilang tak muncul lagi. Bukan rezeki. 

Terima kasih ada di sebelah. 

Perjalanan yang tamat

Hari yang paling dinanti. Perasaan gemilang hadir dalam jiwa, seolah-olah sebagai tanda sorakan kemenangan. Hari yang memberikan pengiktirafan pada diri setelah berlelah berhari-hari saban bertahun-tahun. Hari untuk dipanjatkan kesyukuran setelah melepasi pelbagai ujian. Hari yang membuktikan bahawa kejayaan itu ada untuk setiap kesungguhan yang dibayar. 

Masih ingat bagaimana setiap fasa dilalui dengan penuh sabar, sungguh tanpa sedar pengorbanan yang banyak telah dilabur hanya untuk satu impian. Termasuk dengan langkah diambil dengan penuh keterpaksaan untuk menamatkan apa yang telah mula. Entah berapa ribu langkah sudah diambil, sehingga keringat dan air mata silih berganti. Kadang-kala diselangi tawa menceriakan suasana. Syukur, buat detik-detik yang tuhan kurniakan tanpa syarat untuk dirasa, dan insan yang hadir membuatkan bibir masih mampu untuk mengukir senyuman dalam lelah.

Di majlis pengijazahan, entah berapa kali mata bergenang tanpa sengaja. Tidak pasti dari arah mana mak dan abah duduk memandang terus ke pentas ketika mengambil ijazah. Tetapi ketika mula majlis, air mata hampir tumpah kerana tidak percaya, seakan-akan masih dalam mimpi. Ketika ucapan naib canselor, ketika naik ke pentas untuk pengijazahan, ketika tunduk hormat kepada ibu bapa sebagai simbolik penghargaan atas jasa, mata sentiasa bergenang.

Menuntut ilmu memerlukan perjuangan yang besar, mengorbankan banyak perkara. Jangan dikata hanya tentang harta, masa yang berharga juga telah banyak dilabur hanya untuk setitis dari selautan ilmu. Mungkin perjalanan telah tamat, namun pencarian ilmu adalah perjalanan yang tiada noktah.

Graduasi, 30 Oktober 2017

Quick mind rant

I know, it was quite a long time ago since the last time i updated here. I am busy with the workloads, i missed to update about my travel to Yogyakarta, my new job as Editor, how i shifted here in Shah Alam, how was my viva going on, and now, i will graduate soon and i hope will not miss updating this. It's just about 7 months, but everything was flying so quickly without realizing it just passed like that, and i feel so regret when nothing interesting stories were updated here anymore, like previously i did.

However, i thank to God even he put me in the way that i was not preferred. It was really an unimaginable journey, meet various kinds of people, got a chance to have a wonderful trip with wonderful friends and the most important thing, i've done my viva with flying colours and will graduated soon as i wished. Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.

The truth is, it was such a blessings from God which brought me here, like reclaiming back what i have lost and shattered, and brought me people who always support what i did, trust me, let me forget almost the sadness and bitterness of stories which i will never turn back.

May the suffers end here. Hopefully.

Should I miss old-of-me?

I have to admit that i miss the old of me recently. It's quite strange to have this kind of feeling, but once you realized that you are changing to someone else that you think "that-was-not-me", then you will start thinking you are losing yourselves. And the worst part is, it has changed into something like you don't prefer, as being easily negative in any certain situation, emotional at almost time, and cannot bear for any hard/stressful moment. You just like want to simply go out from there, or much more crazier like screaming to each of those to go away like if they can just simply go away like people did. 

This is also significant to us that we have been pressurized from surrounding which at last turn out ourselves slowly without we realized. At the end, we just keep blaming on ourselves for anything what we have done or we have chosen, discriminate ourselves from people, inferior to each of single things and cannot see any positivity for any kind situation. These sounds too unmotivated, isn't? When i've read my previous post here most of them are too emotional and i start realized i lost my perspective.

I missed the old me – the one who always has a back up plan for anything, always wanted to try new things fearlessly, not easily cried nor even lose appetite for simple issues, enjoy in every single moment had gone through in live excitedly. I still remember how i felt all of those when i was just starting my MSc. life. I was eagerly going to library and borrow some books (because i start loving books when entered ukm), excited to try anything new and explore new places that i had never gone through before during my degree life, always look positive side to plan my schedule life and also struggling in creating good interpersonal of me. Even surprisingly, i started getting out myself for a jog – to "live in active lifestyle" (thanks to arwah kerol for this).

But somehow, the challenge of life hit me continuously and made me stumble more than i ever imagined. The sadness, inferiority and anxiety were rooted slowly. I don't know either i am not treating myself in the right way or maybe because i let all of these without any cure. I have to admit another thing too, which is falling in love during my MSc. was the BIGGEST mistake in my life (but inevitably, love was also the most awesome feeling i ever felt. It's just like a package.). And it's just like making me become worse. The failures and heartbroken feeling just made me chaotic, i could not control myself, hopeless and gloomy at almost time, i lose my appetite, hm, what more? It was so terrible even hard for me to concentrate on my work, research, study because i keep on focusing on my failures, my fears. I scared of another failures, until i don't want to take any more steps and choices. Like i lost my vision, and that was such a pathetic moment.

Until when i was in the middle stage of writing up my thesis, i just think, oh god, how can i let myself suffer like this for a long time. I was trying to look out for a silver lining for every moment, finish unfinished work, decided to go through everything. It quite tired and burst my eyes into tears in most of my prayers (i can said in every week i cried almost everyday, especially during dhuha and asar. And i dont why) , but that is how actually i could find myself and my serenity. I never blamed Allah for this, but somehow i grateful to Allah for tracking down myself back onto the right path. It was beautiful-bitterness journey which taught me a lot of things and showed to me that Allah always here, beside me, beside us, beside ourselves. At the same time, with faith to the fullest, i remarkably realized there is no one can help you unless God. It trained me out, become turning point to be the most tawakal person (and this is actually how the idea of post logik satu tambah satu came out), and as He said in the Quran:

And whosoever places his reliance on God, then God is all that he needs. (Quran 65:3)

My the most favourite ayat, which is actually a part from ayat seribu dinar.  I put this ayat as a note, and paste it in my area wherever i used to study or work. People might easily say, "put tawakal on Allah", but the truth is, it is actually more than that. Tawakal is not only a prayer and hope. It is full of trust that we have to put that only Allah s.w.t. can help us to go through on something, even we didn't find the way out. It was difficult and challenging at the beginning, because some circumstances happened in life let me think i'll not able to go through, i thought it was impossible and even i got stuck to find out any way out. I tend to doubt on my life, become a worry person, and this has made me feel harder to put full of tawakal with this doubt inside myself. At this moment, i finally realized we should not have doubts with His plan if we totally have worship of Him. Sometimes God gave us test and circumstances just to test our faith on Him. If we trust Him, be patient, somehow God will show us the way that we never expect. That's how tawakal works. 

The fate from Allah had somehow been beautiful, and sometimes it might take time for us to realized the meaning of each. I realized, i easily become fear and scare with my own life because i've doubt with His plan unconsciously, and not fully put my hope in my dua. We actually have to confide ourselves that Allah will fulfill our dua everytime we ask help from Him.  

I admit i missed me so much, and how i wished to return back for anything that i've lost. But, life is nothing without test, without changes, without experiences. We have to accept changes as God actually gave us things that we actually need even we think we won't. We have to forgive people, forgive ourselves especially for what we have done to ourselves, even though sometimes it is something that unacceptable. This is how we actually gave ourselves a chance again for a better change. Life is full of failures and rejections that we cannot avoid or run away, but we have to accept.

Should i miss my old? Well, i still missed myself even people said no, but at the same time i think i should love for what i have right now. Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Cuma, kena teruskan mengubah diri kepada lebih baik. Sebab terasa banyaknya kelemahan. Supaya hidup itu sentiasa ada matlamat, tak kosong, kan?

Permulaan yang lambat

Baru tersedar satu perkara. Bahawasanya dah masuk bulan Februari, dan aku masih belum post apa-apa pun untuk tahun 2017. Kebiasaannya memang setiap tahun at least satu post akan ditulis pada awal Januari untuk setiap tahun sebagai permulaan. Tetapi mungkin kali sebab terlalu sibuk dengan penulisan dan penyerahan tesis, maka segala cerita pasal blog terus terlupa.

Okay, will update new post very soon (sebab currently jobless, muahaha), masih mencari ilham sebenarnya, di samping nak try kurang untuk habiskan masa .pada facebook. Entah berjaya ke idok. Macam adik selalu bising, "hang ni kak, banyak ja plannya, tapi satu pun tak buat last-last". Lol

Besides, i am trying my best to appreciate whatever coming for this year and be grateful on every second passes. Sebab terasa positivity dalam diri tu makin kurang. Kena banyak membaca dan menulis balik nampak gayanya. 

So yap, rabbi yassir wala tua'ssir. 

😃

Makcik Kerepek

Putrajaya is one of my favourite hotspot. Kalau ada kenderaan sendiri, rasanya mungkin setiap minggu pergi Putrajaya tu untuk melepas sendu.

Memandangkan mun baru sahaja selesai dengan interviewnya, maka kami tiada apa-apa perancangan melainkan terus terfikir untuk menghabiskan masa di dataran Putrajaya sambal melihat gelagat orang bermain roller blade, basikal elektronik dan giant bubble. 

Sambil bersembang di tengah-tengah dataran Putrajaya, tiba-tiba mata aku terpandang seorang makcik yang berjalan kearah kami dengan penuh dikiri dan kanannya dengan bungkusan aneka kerepek dan keropok. Aku secara spontan terus bertanya jenis kerepek yang dijualnya, sambil niat dalam hati,

“Maybe boleh amik satu kot tolong makcik ni”.

Makcik kerepek tu memang peramah, Entah macam mana dari hanya nak menjual kerepek akhirnya dia duduk bersila di depan kami berdua sambil bercerita tentang anak-anaknya. Apatah lagi bila mengetahui dia juga berasal dari utara, perbualan kami menjadi lebih panjang dengan dialek utara.

Dan aku terus memulakan perbualan dahulu, memandangkan aku yang beriya nak beli kerepek makcik ni, Makcik ini hanya terus bercerita, mengenai anak lelaki yang sakit (umur anak dia dalam 30an), dan disusuli dengan beberapa soalan dari aku dan mun, menyebabkan perbualan menjadi lebih panjang. Oh ya, apabila aku berkata mengenai anak dia sakit, dia bukan sakit biasa. Penyakit berkenaan otak dan nerve problem, tapi bukan gila. Boleh kerja secara normal, tapi kalau skip ubat, nanti tantrum dia datang dan boleh jadi macam orang gila. Aku lupa scientific term untuk penyakit ni, mun ada explain panjang pasal penyakit ni (Nota: Btw, ini bukan autism. Ekeke).

Maka ceritanya terus bersambung. Dari cerita anak lelakinya yang sakit, kemudian disusuli anak perempuannya yang sudah menjadi janda. Aku juga pandai sangat pergi tanya "anak seorang je ke? ". K min k.

Okay janda. Janda. Dah kenapa mencabar sangat jalan cerita keluarga dia ni. Anak perempuan dia seorang cikgu, lulusan universiti malaya (kalau tak silap). Tidak pernah bercinta. Tidak pernah "berkawan"dengan mana-mana lelaki, dan kemudian menantunya (sekarang dah jadi bekas menantu) masuk meminang.

"Saya janji makcik, saya akan jaga anak makcik dengan baik. "

Dan menantunya mengungkapkan kata janji itu temateri di depan masjid. Tapi akhirnya 5 tahun kahwin, bekas menantu dia bawa perempuan lain, abaikan anak sendiri dan tinggalkan anak perempuannya hilang pergantungan. Oh tuhan, aku dengan mun masa dengar cerita ni memang berasap la juga. Dah la janji depan masjid!

"Anak makcik punya la baik, tak pernah bercinta dengan kawan dengan mana-mana lelaki, lepas tu terima lelaki tu sebagai suami, dia buat anak makcik macam ni. Makcik ingat lagi, bila dia janji dengan makcik, dia nak jaga anak makcik dengan baik, di depan masjid dia berjanji, "saya janji makcik, saya akan jaga anak makcik dengan baik", tapi akhirnya dia sendiri yang abaikan anak makcik, dia bawak balik betina mana, tinggaikan anak makcik dengan cucu makcik dekat rumah. Dia biaq anak dia, bila si anak sangat perlukan kasih sayang seorang ayah, setiap hari anak dia tanya, "papa mana papa?" yang dia, usung betina lain. Sampai demam anak dia sebab seminggu dua tak nampak ayah dia."

Aku dah tak berani sampuk banyak dah, Sekejap lagi makcik tu menangis situ, aku dengan mun pun menangis situ. Sudahlah aku dengan mun masa tu emosi tak stabil. Cuma ada sekali, aku cakap begini,

"Eishh, ni saya takut nak kahwin ni makcik."

"Makcik cerita bukan nak menakutkan, tapi sentiasa bersedia."

"Makcik nampak ampa orang baik-baik ni saja la pesan, supaya beringat. Supaya sentiasa bersedia. 

Masa part "bersedia" tu, aku dah macam terkesima sekejap. Dan banyak kali betul ulangan pasal bersedia tu. Betul, benda macam-macam boleh jadi, maka sentiasa lah bersedia. Perbualan yang memang panjang lebar, hari itu kiranya aku dan mun dapat "free advice" dari stranger pasal perkahwinan. Dan lepas dia selesai bercerita, dia akhirkan perbualan tu dengan satu lagi "final advice",

Lagi satu, jagalah mak ayah sebelum depa mati. "

Dem. Aku rasa masa tu empangan air mata masa tu dah pecah. Aku dengan mun bersalam dengan makcik tu, dan makcik tu terus berlalu pergi. Aku mengalihkan pandangan ke mun, k.  Mata mun dah berkaca dah. Aku rasa cerita pasal mak ayah ni memang akan "menang" sepanjang zaman. Sesiapa pun boleh tersentuh kalau sebut isu ibu ayah.

Aku terasa lagi nak bergenang bila dengar intonasi makcik tu yang slow dan lemah, seolah-olah penat, dengan cerita hidup dia yang sampai ke sudah tiada henti dengan ujian hidup, bila mana sepatutnya makcik tua sebegitu duduk sahaja di rumah, biar anak-anak ambil alih semua tanggungjawab. Dan dia, masih mengusung bakul dan beg yang penuh kerepek dan menjaja di dataran Putrajaya, masih menanggung anak dia yang dah dewasa, terpaksa tengokkan anak perempuan dia yang dah jadi janda.

Oh tuhan, sungguh nikmat kehidupan yang Engkau beri padaku benar-benar nikmat besar!

Random #18

After a long time i leaved my blog, now here i come again. Sampai rasa blurred sebentar sebab memang tak tahu apa nak tulis. Rasa tak tahu nak express apa. 

So ya, i just make a timeline here, to throwback what actually i have done within last 2 months;

• Early of October: went to Pahang for Firah's weeding.
• Middle of October: sent notice for thesis submission to the faculty (including fill the form and preparing the abstract for that which i've started since early of October).
• 22-23 October: went to SMAP Kajang for Bitara STEM program (for first session). Oh ya, i've prepared the wishes in blog for you too since your birthday was on 22th Oct (which took almost 1 week to karang segala mak nenek).
• 27-30 October: Went to Pekan Pahang for Bitara STEM-Exxonmobil Carnival, and had a chance to meet Minister of Education there. Sempatlah bergambar sekali. 
• Early of November: i guess 3rd November if i'm not mistaken, we started talking back. (kena masuk dalam timeline jugak, sebab tak pernahnya perang dingin dengan orang sampai 5 bulan)
• 5-6 November: again went to SMAP Kajang for STEM (second session). 
• 8th November: you have told me you got second iv, which is held on 13th November.
• Today, 17 November: submitted first draft to supervisor, and also attended Syarahan Berkala ALIR on topic of Facing Water Resource Sustainability by Tn Hj Mansor (and very interesting topic actually). 
• InsyaAllah next on 22-27 November another STEM Carnival in UKM.

When i listed up all the things that i've done on last of these 2 months, i just realized how time passes so quickly. Even actually i have no idea how i passed through all of these things, dengan tengah frust and tak reti move on from someone tak habis-habis, and also with fears and worries that always come around. I can admit that i was going through each of single day of my life here with tears, frustration, loneliness and exhaustion. All of the difficulties drove me into madness, especially at part of writing thesis, i don't even counted how many nights i have spent in the lab alone.  

But, alhamdulillah. i've passed the stages with Allah's will. (but cannot say that i've done yet, there is still a lot of things that i need to go through).

The thing is that, it was by god. Allah yang mengurniakan kesenangan di sebalik kesusahan. Allah yang menjadikan yang mustahil itu kepada tidak mustahil.

I can almost accept that we were ended in terrible way and not like as what i'm used to dream (what i can say is), finished write thesis although it was not completely perfect, and surprisingly, met some of new friends which i never thought that i'll had since i almost at the end here. 

I was going each of single day not in perfect way, to be honest. 

Everything is not always perfect and the main is, i realized we should trust on what god has planned and be grateful on what we had even just a small little thing. Because everything is a bless, eventhough it was not going like we wanted it to be. It was going on what Allah wanted. Kerana kesempurnaan itu takkan mampu dicapai, sebab kita manusia, kita tak sempurna dan kita takkan dapat yang sempurna, tapi bagaimana kita berfikir bahawa apa yang kita dapat itu adalah satu kesempurnaan. 

Yakinlah dengan apa yang kita ada, apa yang hadir pada kita, apa yang menimpa kita. Kerana ia datang dari Yang Paling Sempurna.

Moga dipermudahkan urusan seterusnya. Amin ya Rabb. 

Pahang dan Cerita

Awal oktober telah dimulakan dengan satu pelarian. Okay, pelarian macam teruk sangat bunyinya. Mungkin lebih elok tukar kepada short escape. Short escape ke kenduri Firah, kawan masa USM dekat Kg Mela, Jerantut. Pergi kenduri, tapi entah la, aku dah rasa macam short vacay pun ada. Minggu yang paling banyak cuba benda baru, walaupun benda yang dicuba hanyalah sesuatu kecil-- seperti jejakkan kaki ke lrt gombak dan stesen lrt sentul timur (stesen lrt paling hujung). Dulu selalu tertanya-tanya, kalau di hujung stesen, lrt akan buat pusing atau reverse, atau ambil laluan lain untuk patah balik? Sebab tak pernah sampai stesesn hujung sekali Pertanyaan aminah yang sesimple itu. Curious. Jadi weekend ni memang terjawab segala soalan. Lol.

Makanan, seperti ikan patin, buah berangan, daging kerbau. Benda yang tak pernah makan, sampai orang pelik betul ke aminah tak pernah makan? Haah, memang tak pernah makan pun. Buah berangan tu tengok tepi jalan orang jual, tapi tak pernah rasa nak beli. Tempat di Pahang macam Temerloh dengan Jerantut. Memang tak pernah pergi, jadi ambil kesempatan untuk tengok sekitar. Sungai Pahang yang besar, tengok ikan talapia dengan ikan patin sangkar. Time cari dan beli ikan patin baru tau ikan patin ada ikan sangkar, ikan kolam ikan sungai. 

Time kenduri cakap pun macam tak banyak sangat, seolah-olah macam wordless on that day. Tapi kampung di Pahang ni sangat unik. Aku ingat kampung mak dekat Jelai tu habis kampung dah, ni lagi power. Dengan jalan gelap, berliku, pastu berbukit-bukit. Bukit style curam jugak aku kira untuk sebuah jalan. Fehh, kombinasi struktur jalan paling rare aku rasa. Seram sungguh malam-malam, sampai member suruh buka zikir time perjalanan. Lol. Pastu perasan rumah dekat situ jauh-jauh jarak, dah setiap rumah macam tenggelam dengan hutan. 

Ada juga tradisi Pahang sempat tengok, macam guna gendang "tetawak" untuk sambut pengantin instead of kompang. Selain tu, suka tengok orang kampung situ, boleh nampak sangat rapat, sampai ada sporting buat silat (padahal dia hentam ja silat tu, dia tak tahu pun). Dah macam menari dah aku tengok. Hahaha. Mungkin sebab kampung situ sangat kecil, jadi masing-masing macam rapat. 

Tapi ada satu perkara yang paling menarik aku kira. Ayah Firah sebelum ni accident (dalam bulan 5 atau 4 tak silap). Langgar lari, ada lori langgar ayah dia sampai kena otak, dan tengkorak bahagian kepala ayah dia pecah (sebab aku nampak lengkuk besar, macam tenggelam di bahagian depan kepala). Dan accident tu dah menyebabkan ayah dia lupa. Tak kenal anak-anak, tak mampu uruskan diri sendiri, macam bayi. Kena bagi makan, uruskan berak kencing. Perangai macam budak-budak. 

Tapi orang kampung layan saja ayah dia. Ada kawan ayah dia sorang ni siap pujuk dia masuk rumah lagi masa dia nak keluar pergi tengah jalanraya, Entah kenapa ayah dia suka sangat nak pergi dekat jalan tu. Ada sesekali tu ayah dia mengamuk time kenduri, sebab semua pegang dia tak bagi pergi jalanraya. Memang takut tengok time tu. Kalau tak tau dia sakit, memang kita tengok macam orang dewasa marah. Abang dia dan kawan ayah dia yang pujuk suruh masuk rumah. Moment tu macam penuh keterharuan sebenarnya, sbb kawan ayah dia tu yang sporting gila buat persembahan silat tadi, dia yang pujuk ayah dia dengan slowly and sabar tarik masuk rumah. Padahal ayah dia dah marah teruk dah. Aku terfikir satu perkara, kalau aku sakit lupa ingatan macam tu, ada orang nak kawan lagi tak? Nak layan aku lagi tak? Sebab dah macam budak-budak, siapa yang nak kawan? 

Banyak benda lagi nak tulis, sepanjang perjalanan realise banyak perkara. Tapi tu lah, kena kemas bilik pulak, dengan laundary stuffs lagi, sebab seminggu lebih air tak ada, baju 2 minggu tak berbasuh, bilik sepah macam tongkang pecah. Hahaha. 

Short escape yang menarik, walaupun benda yang dicuba hanyalah sesuatu yang ringkas dan kecil. Dan short escape yang mengajar erti syukur atas rahmat Tuhan. Salam Maal Hijrah. :)

Selamat tinggal Pahang!